I don't know what to say here, but I have lost total control of my life. As of late I've been eating like crazy, initially I told myself that I was just being supportive of my girlfriend as she is just now getting over here post pregnancy cravings, but in reality I've been eating to counterbalance my depression and lack of alcohol intake.
Every since I lost my job back in September life has taken a turn, not necessarily a negative turn, but not a positive one either. Losing the job was a bitter sweetness, I lost contacts, friends and financial security, but I gained consistency, motivation, and most importantly time... However when those advantages are forgotten I catch myself drowning in depression. Yesterdays cure was pizza, a local bar around here has $7 large pizzas on Wednesday and the cheese pizza is fucking amazing... Like seriously, it's the best pizza I've ever ate. Because I'm a vegetarian me and my girlfriend ordered separate pie's so I had a total of 8 square slices to myself, and boy did I enjoy it!
I have no idea why I've been acting in this manner though, it's not because my life sucks, it's simply because things aren't happening fast enough for me as a photographer, I'm not expecting an overnight success story, but a few paid jobs during the winter would be appreciated. But the truth is, I don't deserve any sessions. I haven't earned it, sure I'm working harder towards my dream than ever, but am I really giving it 100%? No. And I have to ask myself why not, I have no excuse, I have a family, I have time and I need to provide, why am I not applying myself?
Is it because I'm afraid? Am I too busy eating? Whatever the answer is, I need to change it, and that starts now... Not later today, not March 1st, but now. This blog has seen a huge jump in views, and I want to reward myself by being able to provide more to content for you all. What that means is more shooting! I'm going to stop working on the BLOG only, but on my photography, my brand and my personal image. I've taken on a lot of projects, and I have a new one that I think you all will enjoy. I'll be posting about the life of an unemployed photographer sometime next month. I haven't decided if it will be in a blog format, or video podcast, but one thing is for certain it will be entertaining, beneficial and a rewarding experience for me, and you, the reader.