This isn't my typical blog post, but I wanted to share my thoughts before fatherhood. I've had 9 months to prepare for this, and throughout those 9 months, I have failed. Currently I'm in the hospital sitting with the mother of my child, as well as her family. Amongst them, a lot of conversation is going on, while I'm here thinking what the fuck!... But not a negative what the fuck, but more of a what the fuck have I been doing over the last 9 months.
I'm not ready, at all, I mean this in as many ways as possible... I have nothing in my household for a child, nor do I have money stored away... hell I don't even have a full time job. I'm not writing this to scare myself of the future, or tomorrow for that matter, but I'm writing it because, well, reality is settling in.
Around early September I got let go from my job, and I told myself at that time that photography would be my main source of income... That's been kind of rocky, I've definitely progressed as a photographer and entrepreneur, but not enough to provide for a family. However, throughout this experience I've never once thought "Man I need to get a job" I've just been telling myself that I need to go harder... So at least I know my passion is authentic.
Everyone's been telling me so much would change after my daughter is born, and I'm not against that claim, but I'm hoping it doesn't. I hope I stay motivated, and hungry and passionate. Maybe my daughter will be my muse. Maybe she'll open up an entire new market of newborn photography.
I just wanted to write this while my feelings were new, I don't know what tomorrow will hold, or tonight, but I do know that my desire for taking pictures is real and I can't wait to flood you all with images of my little princess!